Drink up sailor, or how I finally experienced a dating rule.

I don’t try to hide any facts about me, and one of the facts is I really haven’t dated much in my life. That sounds a little weird for a guy who is divorced-and running a dating blog. And because of that lack of experience I am flummoxed whenever I encounter something that I haven’t experienced before. I mean I expect to encounter plenty of things I haven’t seen/heard/felt before. That’s life. But some experiences need to be shared so I can understand them better going forward.

Note: I tried to make this blog go chronologically but my last date with another Filipina made me pause and think about what the heck is going on with dating. I knew some women had rules for dates, but I had never actually dated someone who HAD rules.

Rewind a short bit to this past weekend. I had been talking to a girl from match.com for a couple of weeks about hiking, and it sounded like we had that interest in common. I figured maybe a hike wouldn’t be good first date material and with it being winter and all we wouldn’t be able to go hiking after work either.

So we decided we’d meet at the mall and walk around because she just didn’t believe in sitting and talking for a first date. She was about twenty minutes late, and then when I suggested walking around…said we should grab coffee and sit down. O…k?

We sat down and talked, spent some time getting to know each other and she was amenable to getting out of the mall after we had walked all of it.

We got in the car and drove around somewhat aimlessly. I wanted to walk around Balboa Park with her but as it happens it started raining right away. Thanks a lot Seattle San Diego.

After driving around aimlessly, I decided we should hit Mission Beach and walk the paths there. It had stopped raining. We walked for a bit and were holding hands and there was the Moment ™.  You know, you lock eyes and it’s a perfect time for the first kiss.

So I lean in to kiss her and she of course, hugs me. And then makes this audible cheery noise which sounded like failure. I guess in her way, she was being nice. In my way, I don’t like hugs after rejection.

We eventually get back to the car, and being my insufferable self, I had to ask her if I had offended her in some way. She said that I hadn’t done anything wrong but that she had a rule that she didn’t kiss on a first date. I was taken back by this a little bit, since she was 30 and I guess I didn’t believe rules like that existed anymore when dating someone in her 30s.

We got back to the mall and ended up talking for a bit. I played with her hair, and she started to nuzzle my hand and she closed her eyes. I didn’t want to mistake the signals and kissed her on the forehead. She kept her eyes closed and tilted her head, signaling the go ahead. Against my better judgment, I leaned back in to kiss her…giving her a peck on the lips, and I found her tongue in my mouth. Later on, because I had a smile on my face, I ended up getting slapped. No joke. She thought I was insulting her somehow by smiling after being kissed.

Hooray rules. Who likes them, who employs them, and who hates them?

I’m in the camp of hating them, and I feel like it would have been nice if she had informed me while we were on the date and things were going well that she wasn’t the type that kissed on the first date. I wouldn’t have tried and would have respected that. Now I’m confused because we did end up kissing.

It would have been even nicer if she had no rules at all. I’m a firm believer on when the kiss is right, the kiss is right. I don’t believe in rules like third date means sex, or dating for two months before being introduced to family…I believe in just a couple of sensible rules.

1) She can’t be married/engaged/in a relationship

Oops. That’s 1 rule.

What do you think?

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2 Responses to Drink up sailor, or how I finally experienced a dating rule.

  1. 100edater says:

    I recently learned kissing on the first date was a moment thing. Usually I don’t. I’ve only kissed on the first date maybe 4 times. First date honestly, I’m trying to get a good feel for the person and see where it goes so physical attraction is always pushed back. If I want to kiss them by the end of the date, then that’s a good thing. And when he goes for it, I won’t stop him. Now that I think about it, every guy that initiated the kiss on a first date didn’t work out for me… I think I’ll be like your friend now and eliminate guys who kiss me on the first date.

    Your rule number 1 and my rule number 1 are the same. It’s a great start. 🙂

  2. JJM says:

    Rules are fine, as long as you don’t expect people to adhere to them inherently.

    I would have just taken her home or left after she said she doesn’t kiss on the first date, but that’s only me; because if she doesn’t like me enough to simply kiss me on a first date, I doubt I’m going to impress her enough to get a peck on the second date, et cetera.

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