I don’t try to hide any facts about me, and one of the facts is I really haven’t dated much in my life. That sounds a little weird for a guy who is divorced-and running a dating blog. And because of that lack of experience I am flummoxed whenever I encounter something that I haven’t experienced before. I mean I expect to encounter plenty of things I haven’t seen/heard/felt before. That’s life. But some experiences need to be shared so I can understand them better going forward.
Note: I tried to make this blog go chronologically but my last date with another Filipina made me pause and think about what the heck is going on with dating. I knew some women had rules for dates, but I had never actually dated someone who HAD rules.
Rewind a short bit to this past weekend. I had been talking to a girl from match.com for a couple of weeks about hiking, and it sounded like we had that interest in common. I figured maybe a hike wouldn’t be good first date material and with it being winter and all we wouldn’t be able to go hiking after work either.
So we decided we’d meet at the mall and walk around because she just didn’t believe in sitting and talking for a first date. She was about twenty minutes late, and then when I suggested walking around…said we should grab coffee and sit down. O…k?
We sat down and talked, spent some time getting to know each other and she was amenable to getting out of the mall after we had walked all of it.
We got in the car and drove around somewhat aimlessly. I wanted to walk around Balboa Park with her but as it happens it started raining right away. Thanks a lot
Seattle San Diego.
After driving around aimlessly, I decided we should hit Mission Beach and walk the paths there. It had stopped raining. We walked for a bit and were holding hands and there was the Moment ™. You know, you lock eyes and it’s a perfect time for the first kiss.
So I lean in to kiss her and she of course, hugs me. And then makes this audible cheery noise which sounded like failure. I guess in her way, she was being nice. In my way, I don’t like hugs after rejection.
We eventually get back to the car, and being my insufferable self, I had to ask her if I had offended her in some way. She said that I hadn’t done anything wrong but that she had a rule that she didn’t kiss on a first date. I was taken back by this a little bit, since she was 30 and I guess I didn’t believe rules like that existed anymore when dating someone in her 30s.
We got back to the mall and ended up talking for a bit. I played with her hair, and she started to nuzzle my hand and she closed her eyes. I didn’t want to mistake the signals and kissed her on the forehead. She kept her eyes closed and tilted her head, signaling the go ahead. Against my better judgment, I leaned back in to kiss her…giving her a peck on the lips, and I found her tongue in my mouth. Later on, because I had a smile on my face, I ended up getting slapped. No joke. She thought I was insulting her somehow by smiling after being kissed.
Hooray rules. Who likes them, who employs them, and who hates them?
I’m in the camp of hating them, and I feel like it would have been nice if she had informed me while we were on the date and things were going well that she wasn’t the type that kissed on the first date. I wouldn’t have tried and would have respected that. Now I’m confused because we did end up kissing.
It would have been even nicer if she had no rules at all. I’m a firm believer on when the kiss is right, the kiss is right. I don’t believe in rules like third date means sex, or dating for two months before being introduced to family…I believe in just a couple of sensible rules.
1) She can’t be married/engaged/in a relationship
Oops. That’s 1 rule.
What do you think?