One of my Favorite Ways to Fail

After getting divorced, I tried to throw myself back into dating right away. Like I said before, I signed up for eHarmony, got on okcupid, and basically futzed around. One thing I didn’t do was go out and meet new people, because quite frankly, I never had the skills to pick up girls in person before anyhow. So I resigned myself to prowl on the open e-waters. Don’t get me wrong, I had never had any trouble talking to people, or women, but I had no idea how to do it in a romantic sense. And I was a shade gun-shy over the whole concept of dating…but I said, to hell with it and jumped in with both feet.

After a decent date with a girl from eH (I took her to the Pixies concert), we walked to our separate cars (I offered to walk her to hers, ladies and she declined) and in the stairwell was a girl that looked very familiar. It turned out she was one of the girls I had chatted with on okcupid, and she was even cuter in person. In fact, she was my type in just about every way. So I chatted with her for about 30 minutes. I am not a pushy guy in the slightest but over time I kept talking to her on okcupid, and finally we got together for a date.

I convinced her to see a band with me. So I picked her up (she was super late, strike 1) and then we headed to the concert venue. Since we were going to be late, I laughed and said, only if you promise to get something to eat with me afterward.

Now this is where it got strange. I knew she was straight-edge. But after we parked, she had issues jay-walking. When its a dead night in DT San Diego and you’re late to the venue (because of a certain someone) it seems a bit odd. But it was less the following of the law and more the judging I got from stepping out into the cross walk that made me pause. Strike 2. We each paid for our own tickets and stepped inside. When we got inside, while we had missed most of the first act we still had an opportunity to get to the very front.

Being short, this is where I like to be. That and I like to be where the energy is. We made our way there, but moments later she dropped a bombshell on me. She didn’t like to be near people. Now this was going to be an issue with being at a concert…but she didn’t seem to care. We stayed there for a short bit and even though the venue was half empty and it wasn’t packed in the front she freaked and had to move to the back.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if she didn’t promptly drop an nuclear weapon on my interest in her with the “I don’t like to be touched.” So from then on in my mind, I began to call her Bubble Girl. Since she had ear plugs in I had been trying to just gently nudge her with my shoulder when I thought something was good during the concert…since hand holding was out. Strike 3? She didn’t like any kind of touching and couldn’t be near people. Finally the concert blissfully ended and we got in the car. I said, well, let’s grab something to eat and she looked at me and said she was tired and didn’t want to eat. No apology, nothing.

Drove her home, dropped her off! All’s well that ends well, I ended up with a good story out of it and never spoke to her again. (I did send her texts when I heard of a concert I knew she was interested in.) It was one of my favorite ways to fail with a girl, to end the night knowing that we were truly incompatible and with a funny story to talk about afterward.

Things were awkward on the date, but she seemed to act like we couldn’t even be concert buddies. There’s no need to lack friendliness, though maybe she had in the past been friendly and had guys believe she was leading them on.

Either way, lesson learned. For the ladies, if you truly do not like to be touched, and abhor physical contact…say so in your profile. This is a huge deal to me and probably a lot of men. Sure, you might lose some interested guys, but it’s better than wasting your time and his. Be up front on who you are, and maybe you’ll find the perfect partner for you.




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One Response to One of my Favorite Ways to Fail

  1. JJM says:

    Amen about being upfront! There’s nothing worse than having to find out this stuff on the fly; it just makes dating that much more awkward.

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