The lemon law

I recently read someone’s interpretation of the lemon law as applied to dating. For those that don’t know, the lemon law is something the states have come up with to protect consumers. Oftentimes someone buys a car and it seems fine, and the seller of the car knows he/she/Chulthu is selling a damaged set of goods. The buyer has no clue and isn’t warned and ends up with a lemon. The law protects their financial interests from those who are misrepresenting what they’re selling.

Used car buying and online dating seem to have a lot in common, eh? Half the time you show up to a date the person isn’t who they have represented themselves to be. Not in the slightest. Sometimes it’s not even the same person, a friend has shown up to an okcupid date and the girl has used the pictures of *her* friend.

About a month ago I began a correspondence with a blonde girl on eHarmony. She was beautiful in her pictures, a former collegiate athlete and now a physician. To say I was excited to meet her was an understatement. She seemed to have everything I wanted and I laughed at one of her eH descriptions, “physically fit.”

We met for a cup of coffee downtown and there she was. Except she was carrying a 40lb bag of flour around her midsection. Her face didn’t look the same and everything in my heart said to just get up and tell her thanks but no thanks.

If I had invoked the lemon law, as my friend had talked about…maybe it could have ended quickly and painlessly. The lemon law allows people who meet up for a date who don’t live up to expectations to simply say, “lemon” and walk away.

But after so many of my friends had instilled in me this belief that I should look past the looks of others and give women of all shapes and sizes a chance, I decided to sit down with her. We liked talking to each other and progressively kept seeing each other but I kept thinking of her not meeting the qualifications for an ideal woman physically. I couldn’t help it, everything on paper was there. She was smart and driven and into sports and easy to talk to and she even laughed at my jokes.

But she wasn’t physically what I wanted. When things ended yesterday (of her accord, which will be a later entry) I didn’t mourn the end of the relationship.

The lesson, call it shallow if you want but there are some physical things I need from a partner for it to succeed in the long term. So maybe next time, you should use the lemon law to save yourself some time. If they don’t reach the lowest echelon of your standards don’t bother.

You may think you’re being nice, but you should be honest with yourself.

Invoke the lemon law.

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2 Responses to The lemon law

  1. Brendan says:

    A real man would have offered to carry the 40 lb flour bag for her.

    In all seriousness, this is definitely understandable. People need to realize that tricking others is not going to start any relationship off on the right foot!

  2. JJM says:

    I agree that you have to actually talk to people to find out if they’re worth your time as a dating partner (or even as a friend), but lying is just irritating. Because here’s the thing: I’m not perfect, and neither are you, and neither is anyone else in the world, ma’am! What makes us human is we are flawed. I’d rather know you were carrying a little extra weight around than find that out later.

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