It seems like the digital age should have made things easier, and it has in some ways. But it has also made things easier in a bad way: it’s made it easier for cowards to break things off to avoid confrontation.
Speaking from personal experience, I think texting someone to tell them it’s over is very tacky. But it depends on the situation.
If you’ve gone on one date, and then text that you’re not feeling it: perfectly acceptable. Why do you need to see them in person to break it off? Unnecessary drama and there’s very little to the relationship.
If you’ve gone out a few times, and haven’t had sex, you probably can still get away with texting. But if you’re the girl and you’ve been courted, (and you’ve been lapping up the enjoyment of the guy paying) maybe he deserves the courtesy of a phone call. It doesn’t have to be a long explanation, but let the guy know. If you’re the guy and you’re not feeling it, I still urge you to be a gentleman and call her.
She might be upset and it might be difficult but this is what comes with the territory, you’re telling someone they’re not good enough for you for whatever reason. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put yourself in their shoes. Tell them politely and as nicely as you can, and leave it at that. Let them have a rebuttal, “I thought things were going so well, etc.” And if they get nasty with you, or impolite, hang up/block/move on.
If you’ve been dating for a few weeks and you’re not exclusive but you’ve spent the night and had sex on more than one occasion (this doesn’t mean one marathon hump-athon) then I think you should tell the person face-to-face. At worst, you should tell them on the phone. Texting is out and too impersonal. You’ve been having sex and been intimate with each other.
But I advise people grow up and avoid taking the easy way out. I had been thinking about ending it with a girl I had been seeing but she had been busy and had been blowing me off that week. I wanted to do it in person if at all. We spend an evening texting back and forth about her neighbor’s bush damaging her yard…and all of a sudden she apologizes for being so hard to get a hold of that week.
First thought, great, she’s mature.
Then she says, this isn’t working for me.
On second thought, wait, what isn’t working for you? Us?
She replied in the affirmative.
I was so baffled that 1) an adult would end things so oddly 2) so immaturely 3) and last but not least, without any conviction.
If you’re going to be ending a budding relationship with someone via text shouldn’t you be really clear? Why waste their time with hours of inane conversation about hockey, and building a legal case against your neighbor and asking for advice? Just get to it in a clear and concise manner. Don’t sandwich it around other talk, it doesn’t soften the blow and will only confuse the person getting dumped.
Suck it up and tell the person like an adult. If you’re not mature enough to tell someone it’s over, you’re not mature enough to be dating. Stick to one night stands to avoid entanglements.