Engines, start your gentlemen.

My previous post was about going out with a woman who I dubbed Ms. Raised By Wolves.

To be honest, I think wolves are honorable animals, so maybe some wolf reader will soon be learning how to use the internet to fire off a nasty-gram. Thank God they don’t have opposable thumbs, otherwise the comments section would get “done blown up.”

I’ve read countless articles about how men need to be gentlemen again, that the art has been lost.

But today’s entry is about why the art has been lost to most men and my theories behind it.

For me, I think that one of the biggest reasons why men aren’t gentlemen anymore is because they don’t see any value in being gentlemen. This is a issue that is two-fold: men aren’t appreciated for being gentlemen anymore, and they’re also not finding women worthy of  having a gentleman.  Some of them are still gentlemen around their friends, mothers, relatives, etc. But they don’t see the value in being a gentleman to women. Because the princess fantasy seems to have died in the current dating market and men realize it.

The princess fantasy involves a Prince Charming, a guy who sweeps a woman off of her feet with impeccable grooming, manners and credit history.

It’s been fueled in part by the fairytale of living happily ever after but in this generation it’s built on the dreams of many a woman to have that role in many a chick flick-of the under-appreciated girl who snags a guy who is as sweet as he is hunky.

But the new fantasy is another creation of Hollywood. Reforming the bad boy into a good guy. He’s sweet on the inside? What, is he made of strawberry jam? FFS.*

*Look it up.

Scene:

Girl 1: “Oh my god, all I seem to date are assholes. And he’s not even filled with strawberry jam”

Girl 2: “Isn’t that the worst? All I find are the ones who taste like chalk.”

End Scene.

You can tell that I’ve been wondering on this subject quite a bit-the second issue is more complex. While we’ve already talked about the reason why men aren’t gentlemen because they don’t think it’s what women want, there’s a big elephant in the room. I don’t think men by in large believe women deserve gentlemen anymore. A gentleman deserves a lady and in this day and age, those ladies are significantly rarer than you think.

When I go to the mall and open the door and hold it open for the people that pass, I find significantly more men than women saying thank you or at least acknowledging my presence. It’s not even dependent on age, plenty of older women walk through the door as if it opened magically. You’d be surprised at the number of women don’t say thank you, wait, maybe you wouldn’t be.

Women want equality and it seems a fair number still want the man to pay, and they also want the sexual revolution and have one night stands. Women, you might want a gentleman but you don’t deserve one unless you are a lady. Be someone worth wooing. Otherwise it seems like you want your cake and to eat it too. You want a guy to respect you, be someone worth respecting. Leave the one night stands in the past: (sorry fellow men) and move forward.

I’m a gentlemen just for the hell of it. There’s no quid pro quo behind it. But ask yourself why would a man settle for you? A prince you say? He deserves a princess and not today’s diva-like perception of a princess. A lady, one who uses good manners and is polite. She’ll be appreciated by those of us who are gentlemen, I promise.

 

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5 Responses to Engines, start your gentlemen.

  1. Z says:

    Hey, and stop telling all the good guys who you’re “just friends with” what assholes you date. That just makes us more pissed off and jaded about women.

  2. Suzy says:

    I’m a lady and will not be settling for less than a gentleman. I say keep being a gentleman and use your own judgement to rule out the unworthy women. They aren’t hard to spot.

  3. There’s an element (that I’ll TRY not to use your blog as a soapbox for) somewhere between or perhaps orbiting the two you point to: most people, male and female, do NOT believe in equality between people, regardless of whether its between two same or other gendered people. A lot of the gentlemanly AND rougeish confidence women are attracted to comes from a man believing he is in a position of control. Likewise the demure AND ravenous energy men enjoy publicly and privately. Even if we genuinely want equality, we genuinely do NOT expect it.

  4. What do you mean by “being a gentleman” – if you mean being polite and respectful of your date at all times, that’s me 100% of the time, no matter who I’m out with. It’s just good manners – all women deserve that much.

    And if I hold the door open for someone at the mall and they don’t say thank you, I generally mumble under my breath some choice words (not loud enough for anyone to hear).

  5. Good article, I’d like to refine this idea a bit from my own perspective if I may..

    There are 4 classes of Males & Females in my mind. This is my own classification, if it offends you, well then.. Fuck off, I like it.

    Males consist of the following:
    1. Boys (Immature behavior, game playing, lies when it suits his purpose, wants a mommy not a woman)
    2. Guys (Still slightly immature, more honest but awkward honesty, has advanced the game into actually looking for a future, on the fence with the whole mommy thing)
    3. Men (More mature, straight forward to a fault, directness with a sometimes lack of tact, occasional games to keep it fun, but not a modus operandi for all situations regarding women, still a bit rough around the edges though)
    4. Gentlemen (Completely calm, casual and comforting, takes no advantage, smooth operator, only game he plays is likely to be Chess, or Backgammon. Honest but with tact)

    Females consist of:
    1. Girls (Princess types, immature in their actions and ideals, wants a prince charming, but doesn’t know what to do with him, settles for bad boy because it suits her maturity level, needs friends to validate her)
    2. Dolls (Usually as fiesty or pent up as Girls, but with just enough maturity to bring her to the semblance of womanhood, Wants something that lasts.. maybe. Still dates bad boys, but is quickly tiring of them, Prince Charming is still not quite exciting enough for her, has lots of good friends, but still may not be able to make a genuine decision without their input)
    3. Women (Has her ducks in a row and knows how to load the gun, shoot it and clean it afterwards, bad boys are a fun thought, but a prince charming with a bite is more her style. she can play the game, lacks grace in her life but is strong enough to over come most obstacles on her own)
    4. Lady. (Graceful, tactful, and knows how to listen to everything and empathize with it all. Bad boys are of very small interest, she may still have it, but wouldn’t think of it as anything other than a fling. Prince Charming would have to work to keep up, but it’d be a great time)

    Now if you think about it, from my perspective, There are far more Boys & Girls in the world now, then have ever been, a good portion of guys, a small mount of men have come about, but very few gentlemen. We (Men) have become a sex raised by women. Our male role models have been siginifigantly reduced to cowering castrated males who are thankful to get a date with anyone, not the Men who have confidence in themselves, and can walk up to a girl and think “I’m worth you attention. Are you worth mine?” It’s like we’ve forgotten that we are supposed to be the dominant ones.. It’s heartbreaking. Being a gentleman was something that was taught by fathers and grandfathers. It’s an art we’re slowly losing. How many dads take the time to teach his son how to shave and the correct way to use a razor? I’m lucky my dad did. And I plan to do the same for my son (whenever I have the chance to have one)

    That’s my .02

    Thanks for letting me rant.

    TheSuitorTutor

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