You might remember that many moons ago I had a dalliance with a cute single mother named Escargot. When I first got divorced I was a little apprehensive about jumping into the dating pool at all, let alone dating someone with a child. But if anyone could do it, it probably would be me, my ex-MIL would often grin when my ex-wife would say my biological clock was ticking. Children love me, it’s a gift and a curse-mostly a gift.
I had my own issues with Escargot besides her being a single mother, but one memory (besides my mouth being violated by a snail against my free will) stands out to me. When I picked her up for our third and ultimately final date, she was dropping off her son at her father’s house. I asked her if she needed any help and she warded me away. She grabbed her kid (who stared at me) and walked him to her dad’s front door. No introductions. She didn’t think it was appropriate for me to be meeting him that early in our budding relationship. Maybe she knew she was going to violate my mouth (in a bad way) later.
Or maybe, just maybe, the one sane bone in her body, (probably the pinky, she wasn’t *that* sane) realized “hey it’s way too early for you to meet my son”, and that the kid needed stability. So the kid looked at me perplexed as his mother pulled him to his grandfather’s house and we never ended up meeting. Her theory about waiting for men to meet her son might have been the only sane thing about her, when I piece it all together Memento temporary tattoo style.
Fast forward to the future. I’m contacted by a cute girl on okcupid, and we go on a date. She has the same name as my ex, is vegetarian, and used to be married to a guy of the same ethnicity as myself, and was married and then got divorced around the same time as me too. It was eery how similar she was to my ex: we went on our first date and held hands when at the end of our first date I found a difference. She had conveniently hid the fact that she had a child from me. Oh…well, about that.
We went on a second date, and things dropped off. I made my effort, she didn’t, and I lost interest. Out of the blue, she texts me and asks me out on a third date, to go for a walk or dinner. I chose the walk. She wants to pick me up and she arrives and as I am hopping into the car I notice the car seat is full. With baby.
No matter how adorable they are, no one wants a third wheel on a date. No one should bring a kid on a date, especially not ambush style. And I love kids, I held him, I fed him, I talked him down through fits 4 through 9 in the car…but for my relationship with his mother, I felt it was the death knell.
Was it a test? Was she nuts? Am I doomed to be the crazy magnet forever? Should I give up single mothers forever?