Variety is the spice of life

I was on okcupid this week looking through my matches and a pretty girl with similar tastes popped up. I read through the questions she had answered and found myself perplexed at one of her answers. The answer itself didn’t bother me, but more the question. And the answer opened a whole new can of worms.

My whole life, I have been in relationships with only two different ethnic groups: I’ve dated within my ethnicity, and dated two Indian women (rather they were girls, it was college) and I’ve dated several Caucasian women. It’s not to say that I don’t give other ethnicities a chance. I do message women of all colors on Match and okcupid. I do flirt with women of all colors when I am out in public. But I will admit that I have a type. My first girlfriend from high school was Caucasian, short, skinny, blond, and blue eyed: and that’s been my type for the rest of my life.

I guess I prefer to date outside my race, but that’s as much the odds as anything else. There aren’t that many Indian women in Southern California anyway and the ones cute enough to date? Well they know they’re a hot commodity.

So back to the question: She answered “Do you prefer to date within your own race” and she said yes, that she preferred to date white men and found them to be the most attractive to her. Now crushing as it was for my ego, she also said that she would date men of other ethnicities. Best case: it’s just that she found her own race the most pleasing to date. Worst case, she’s not into men of color at all. Now, how can I be upset at her preference? I have a preference for her ethnicity but don’t limit myself, and neither does she. I’ll take the ego hit. But if any women really find Indian men attractive, give me a call, ok? And I’m annoyed at myself for even being irritated at her answer. So if her preference isn’t me, and she is my preference, them’s the breaks.

Is variety the spice of life? Have you gone out with a person from a race you didn’t find attractive and decided that they were attractive to you despite them not being your typical flavor?

And last but not least, if you do have a preference, do you admit it?

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4 Responses to Variety is the spice of life

  1. Z says:

    You should message her anyway. It’s hard to answer a question like that truthfully without much context in your own life. I think it’s possible that if you and she got to know each other, she’d see past the color pretty quickly.

  2. Suzy says:

    This is always such an interesting topic to me. I could definitely say there are some races that I don’t find as attractive as others. Although I am Caucasian, I actually do not like blond hair or fair skin. I absolutely prefer dark features and olive to dark skin. I do not like skinny builds either though and I don’t think that is race driven. I have also begun to notice that I prefer a certain face shape and bone structure – I spent some time looking back at the people I have been interested in out of curiosity. I think everyone has preferences.

    I don’t think real chemical attraction is something that develops over time because of personality. I think you have to be attracted to the person first.

    • I think there has to be some amount of attraction to begin with, but a girl can win me over with a great personality. I am more attracted to the “cute” types rather the beautiful girls.

      My last girlfriend? I was absolutely enamored with her. She wasn’t skinny, or blond, and she didn’t have blue eyes. She had freckles! But her personality was amazing. That’s who I want in a mate.

      Yes, there is a base requirement of attractiveness that I want from a woman, but looks do fade over time. They’re not everything.

  3. Brie says:

    Everyone has preferences, and it’s dishonest to pretend you don’t. Whether the preference is race, religion, height, weight, hair color, breast size, build, muscularity, intellect, etc… They all relate to traits one finds attractive. Some are more negotiable, and some are more concrete. But everyone has preferences. For example, you prefer Causasian or Indian women, but are open to other ethnicities. Just because you have a preference, doesn’t necessarily mean that you exclude all who don’t fit that preference. Don’t judge her on this answer alone. I agree with “Z” – you should message her, and see if she’s someone who is really worth getting to know.

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